I quite often find myself surprised at my mind. Well, not just my mind, but all minds. More specifically, I find myself surprised at how my mind manages to forget things. Like how awful hangovers are. It’s o nly when they happen again that you remember how terrible they are.
Right now, I’m amazed at how my mind has forgotten just how much I hate going away and just how much I love the feeling of doing something challenging.
I love travelling. I really love travelling. I love new places, new cultures, new adventures. But I hate saying goodbye. And today, I said it a lot. Yep, at the ripe old age of 29, the thought of saying goodbye – to my friends, my family, my dog – for just three months was enough to give me a case of the weepies.
It’s not as though this is new scenario for me. I’ve done it a number of times before. But each time, like the aftermath of a night of tequila slammers, I forget. I forget how much I worry about my dog. I forget that I hate not speaking to my mum at least twice a day. And I forget the horrible feeling of the lump in my throat and the tears welling in my eyes as I fight them.
But it’s at these exact moments, when I’m completely alone in an airport, in that weird no-man’s land between home and somewhere else, that I remember how much I love the feeling of achievement I get when all is said and done. When I’ve done something that I didn’t think I could do. When I’ve gone so far out of my comfort zone that I’m totally terrified but I push through it.
A wise person I know likened a similar situation to the one in which I currently find myself as Dodgem Cars, and not a rollercoaster. I might get knocked around by the external forces that come with living in a foreign country, but unlike a rollercoaster, I’m still in control of what I do. It was a perfectly-timed analogy that just prevented me from crying into a glass of merlot at an airport bar.
I remember reading somewhere a long, long time ago that bravery is being scared to do something, but doing it anyway.
That’s what I’ll do.
I’ll be scared, but I’ll do it anyway. Because every adventure comes with a bit of fearfulness, right? Otherwise it wouldn’t be a worthwhile adventure.